Adat Bertunang ( Engagement)

Bertunang

Picture Credit : Myilham.com

   When a marriage plan is being agreed by both parties, an engagement date will be set. The engagement custom is usually held at the bride’s home. The adat bertunang is being done as a symbol that the future groom and bride have already been reserved. Although permissible, calling off an engagement is kind of frowned upon in the Malay Muslim community.

On the side of the potential bride, a consensus is obtained regarding the following:

 (a)   The date and time for the  meminang  ceremony.

 (b)   The amount of money to be paid by the young man for expenses ( wang belanja).

 (c)   Details regarding the  gift (hantaran) items.

 (d)   The date and time for the actual wedding ceremony and feast.

    Details regarding the penalty should one of the parties break the agreement for the marriage.When the young man’s representatives arrive at the young woman’s house, these matters are discussed and settled. Agreement is also reached on certain details regarding the engagement ceremony, including:

 (a)   The number of persons who will constitute the bride-groom’s party.

 (b)   The number of trays (dulang) of gifts  that will be brought in addition to the traditional  betel-leaf containers (tepak sirih).

   Whether or not a part of the money for expenses (belanja) is  to be paid by the potential bridegroom at the time of the engagement (meminang) ceremony.Following this settlement, the potential bridegroom’s  side  will prepare the various items to be presented to the potential bride. Similarly on the side of the young lady,  gift items to the presented to the young man are prepared. Customarily, the potential bride groom will send the following items to the potential bride on the day of their engagement:

 (a)   A gold or diamond ring.
 (b)   A betel-leaf container (tepak sirih) complete with betel leaves (sirih) and other ingredients.

 (c)   A complete set of clothes.

 (d)   A scarf or shawl (kain tudung).

 (e)   Fruits or other gifts.

 (f)     A handbag.

 (g) A pair of shoes.

   The total number of gift-trays and the number of items returned as gifts by the potential bride must be in odd numbers, usually 7 or more.

    On the day of the engagement  the young man’s party brings the items agreed upon.On this day  the date for the wedding  ceremony (akad nikah) and the various other conditions and requirements will be also confirmed by both parties. Once all such matters have been resolved, the bridegroom’s representatives will hand over all the gifts (hantaran) items with the exception of the engagement ring. The ring will be placed on the finger of the potential bride by an elder sister or aunt or mother of the potential bridegroom. The potential bride will all this while be in her room.

    The gifts from the family of the potential bride meant for the potential bridegroom are now handed  to his representatives. The gift items may include a velvet cap (songkok), a prayer mat (sejadah) a pair of clothes and so on.  The gifts must also be placed in an add number of trays,  the number of trays being higher than those received from the potential bridegroom’s party. This completes the meminang ceremony.Following the exchange of gifts a feast is given to the bridegroom’s party, before they leave for home.